In a little over 2 weeks my Mom and I will be off to Indianapolis for the 24th Annual Riley PMD Family Conference. As the day gets closer I become more and more nervous.
I have never gone a day without seeing Noah. I was at the hospital every single day for 8 weeks while he was in the NICU. There are so many things about Noah that I can feel. I can't explain it. We have a connection I have never experienced before. I guess it's a Mother's intuition heightened by his lack of communication. I almost always know what he needs. Whether it's a diaper change or a back rub. I can feel it. I am so sad that I will be missing for 4 days of his life.
It is so hard to leave Oliver, too. He misses me and he is very verbal about it. Where's Mommy? I know it will be a good opportunity for some Daddy and Oli time. But I just really hate that he knows I'm not here. Hopefully when I get back there won't be any acting out. I've noticed the last 2 times that I've been gone with Noah in the hospital that when I get back, the next few days Oliver likes to push buttons and test boundaries. I guess that's his way of getting back at me for leaving.
I know this is a wonderful opportunity for me. I am so grateful to everyone who helped up with the fundraiser to be able to go on this trip. I really think the time away will do good things for my mind and spirit. When I get back I want to be a better Mother. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Hopefully I will come back with an arsenal of knowledge that I can throw out to Noah's care team. I have to remind myself that I am the expert on Noah. I have done the research. I am his Mother.
Overall, I am very excited about this trip. My little mini-vacay. Please pray for safe travels for my Mom and I. And please pray for me as I leave my children for the first time in their very short lives. I will miss them and I hope they miss me even more!
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